~It's a human reaction~

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Jan. 6th, 2007

(no subject)

I keep looking through the old pictures of my Cavies and crying.

I miss my babies.

Dahli, Gunther, Koi, Sanji, Gun gun, and Checkers.

All of them.

This will sound like a total reversal for all that I stand for but I sometimes believe that I was meant to adopt and care for these particular pigs.
It feels like the universe knew I had the resources and the heart to provide all the intense care and attention that they needed.
I know I didn't do everything perfect. I could have been cleanlier sometimes. Should have taken them outside more. But I took SUCH good care of them and I've never loved an animal, or animals, as much as I loved them and I've never felt as needed or loved back by anyone or anything.

I wish I knew how Sanji, Gun gun and Koi and Checkers were doing at thier new homes. One day my dearest baby Dahli will be a yellow diamond, the most beautiful. The love they taught me is something i'll never forget.

All the panic and drama and paranoia and franticness of thier presence.

But most of all, the way they'd all start Weeking and Shouting whenever I'd get home.

( PICU'S )

Posted at 10:41 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Jan. 5th, 2007

It's a beautiful friday.~

Well just two weeks until I turn 18. I'm not sure who else i'll be chillin with other than Calvin and Arry. Probably Walter. Maybe Ryu. I don't want to travel with too many more people than that because i'm a small pack person. Already know where we're headed. Todd's and a movie and then on to wandering. I won't get a tattoo until I turn 19. That way I have this whole year to perfect it and make arrangements with the right artist and outfit. To me, a tattoo should be a very deeply thought about and ingrained work of art to the point that I'd like to be decently aquainted with the artist who does it and have them familiarized with my style and develop the work and it's meanings with me. It can't just be something pretty, It has to be a visual puzzle and a SERIOUS work.

Anywhoo.

Random Me Summary from my Myspace:

I am Setsu, hear me roar.

I'm absolutely the most critical person you will ever meet, and I know this.

I will judge you in an instant and most of the time you won't even know it's been passed.

My judgements are not permanent but unless you get to know me or I am very much enlighted, they are not likely to change.
I really don't care too much what anyone thinks about this because it's just who I am and though I am a dynamic human being, this has yet to change.

I'm pretty happy with myself and I look forward to my future.

I Don't ask for much. Or maybe I do. I may be a terrible judge for such a thing. On second thought i'm pretty damn demanding.

I'm not a particularly happy person. But I'm not particularly sad either. I'm extreme in a way i won't bother to articulate.

I don't trust very many people. And It's a very slow and difficult process to earn my trust. Though a very easy and final process to lose it and garuntee never getting it.

Probably the only two people, friend wise, that i really trust are Arry and Calvin. Why? Sometimes I ask that same question.

I admit to harboring a warped, yet strong ego. It'd be ignorant to pretend I don't. I'll fess up to my characteristics, whether you deem them to be faults or strengths they are still mine.

Please greet me warmly, regardless of my demeanor and appearance. You just might be suprised.

All I'd like is some friendship. Though I certianly don't expect it, and rarely believe it.

I'm thankful for depression. Because it makes the good times that much better.

Sometimes I'm glad i'm fat. Simply because It's the perfect defense. And in certian cases, an excellent offense.

You'll probably never get to know me, but that's kinda sad for you. You could have learned a lot.

I'm searching for beautiful minds. Smart ones are appretiated as well. However few and far between.

Posted at 07:51 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Aug. 15th, 2006

(no subject)

Heh. So today I had work, and things slowed down around 7:30 and Sean checked the numbers to see who to let go home.

The computer keeps an average of the totals of the sales we each have.

So even though I answered the phone and made significantly more sales than Danielle or Mellisa,

;_; He told me to go home because my average was the lowest.

You have no idea how depressed I was. I actually teared up a little in the back and had to get a kleenex.

It's depressing being an overachiever. If i'm not above the rest in every respect, I feel below them. My sense of worth comes from whether or not I did BETTER, not whether I did my best. *sigh*

Went home in shame.

Shame shamety shame shame shame.

FOR SHAME.

( I work really hard at my job. I try to be better than ok. I want to better than good.)